THE BODY: Coming Home to Your Relationship with Yourself
Sometimes the things we feel uncomfortable about are the very things that someone else appreciates in us. You will never be able to see yourself objectively.
You'll never be able to see yourself how your loved ones see you and that is ok.
When you think of people you care about you probably think of them in the abstract -- their smile, their laugh, their scent, their energy + presence. You probably don't think about their scars, their weight, or their "imperfections," and maybe if you do, you'll realize you actually hold those things in a sacred space of soft and loving acceptance and understanding.
So why is it so difficult to give this to ourselves?
There's many reasons, I'm sure you know lots of them. I haven't talked to a single man or woman who hasn't at one point struggled with something about their body. I struggled with mine for most of my life. I still have bad days, but I'm better at dealing with them. Untangling the relationship with the body is part of the mentorship I do, as food and nutrition is deeply entwined with self perception.
I made this post as a little story and reflection on some of the perspective shifts I had over the years that made me feel more at home in my body. I hope it offers a fresh point of view for you too.
You are not alone, no one is judging you the way you're judging yourself. Give yourself permission to be as you are, and set boundaries with those who won't accept you (this is their wound, not yours.)
Human / Animal
I personally look at the body as it's own creature, one that I happen to inhabit and have some control over. It's an environment that I live in, that I can tend to, and that I can experience sensation from. The body is liminal - existing in a constant state of unseen transitions + transformations; we are constantly dying and being reborn as cells turnover and regenerate. It's a microcosm, macrocosm situation.
The body is something that is both separate from me, and a part of me. It's an expression of nature: neither morally good or bad, right or wrong.
Like an animal that doesn't question it's identity, acting instead on instinct, the body doesn't question its place. Its our awareness in the mind, that begins to question the "rightness" of our bodies due to social conditioning + beliefs about what a body "should" be.
The Nervous Web
This questioning can lead to poor body image, body dysmorphia, self-sabotage, self-harm, eating disorders, substance abuse, anger + violence, issues with diet culture, a stifling of self development, and making choices based on other people's wants and needs...so on and so on.
When we think of our bodies as not being "right" or "good" it creates a stress in the brain, which has downstream affects on our organs.
Some situations that can arise from a negative perception of self:
blood sugar dysregulation
thyroid issues (slow or fast)
chronic fatigue, chronic pain
anxiety, depression, mental health issues
gut problems, indigestion, trouble w/ elimination
hormonal imbalances + issues with fertility + libido
Does It Feel Good?
One of my biggest awakenings was when I was asked by a TCM doctor about sensation after expressing poor body image. She asked -- "does it feel good?" Instead of focusing on what the body looks like, this shifted my focus onto what it feels like to be in my body. It was free of expectations, free of the forced ideas of what it meant to be in the body, to be a woman, to exist in a society devoid of cultural wisdom. It was a moment that shifted everything. Now I could ask, how does touch feel?
How does the sun feel on skin?
The caress of wind + smell of air?
The feeling of bare feet on earth, flesh in water?
The embrace of a friend or lover?
What about subtle energy inside, the quiet fire that yearns to act with instinct and intuition, to be free, quieting the mind + guiding the way?
Neutral Territory
I personally am not a huge proponent of "body positivity." Instead I fall more into the body neutrality camp — if positivity or self love emerges from that, great! If it doesn’t, that’s okay too.
While I understand body positivity + the “love yourself no matter what” culture can be beneficial, and I support challenging beauty standards -- there are some situations where we might never feel "positive" about some aspect of ourselves, and that's okay. You can release the pressure to "love yourself." You can relish in appreciating the body, the creature, the animal, the wild one within, for everything it thanklessly does for you. Delight in your strangeness. Step back and just observe, get curious, be present.
Taking the emphasis away from external, physical validation can be liberating and lead to increased feelings of positive body image. You can begin to seethe body as a whole organism, rather than compartmentalized parts that aren't "good enough" in some arbitrary way.
Who Serves Who?
You wouldn't kick your dog, would you?
It can be easy for the mind to forget the animal origins of the body. With the inundation of media expectations, dogmatic tropes, beauty standards, "body goals" and so on, it can be easy to humiliate our bodies unintentionally, to harm them. Feelings of shame, disgust, and internalized conflicts can arise. Would you treat your pet in the same way you treat your body? This can be an uncomfortable question + revelation to say the least.
When you start to focus on the spiritual, wild and primal nature of your body of origin, you can start to transform negative feelings and develop a positive relationship with the multiple versions of your Self.
Embrace Your Essence
There is no right way to be in your body. There is no rule you must follow. There is no expectation that you cannot break. If you're lost, experiment. Try on different expressions until you find what feels most authentically your Self.
Search archetypes, mythology, and folklore to seek knowledge from old, ancestral traditions in order to understand what it might mean to be the guardian of a body. Your body is an expression of nature. The celestial blueprint you're created from is timeless + pure.
In energetic belief systems, the physical body is the anchor of seven subtle bodies:
etheric (1st)
emotional (2nd)
mental (3rd)
astral (4th)
causal (5th)
celestial (6th)
ketheric (7th)
To Be Continued…
In part two, we'll discuss the seven subtle bodies + the energetics of balance and imbalance.
In a society that focuses nearly all of it's energy on the physical body (and now at least, some on the mental body), we forget or are unaware that healing sometimes needs to occur in the energetic bodies before it can be translated to the actual cells that make up our physical form.